Saturday, April 24, 2010

Thoughts on slavery and bad days

Sometimes the universe sends you a live in slave.
They claim to want to cook and clean and teach you yoga in exchange for room and board.
They may also tell you they love to bake and want to teach you to follow a raw food diet. You might become excited to meet this slave, even though you are a little shy and need a lot of space, especially from strangers.

However, sometimes the universe sends you a tiny insecure mooch with issues about boys and the way she looks that can't cook and complains about cleaning. For one who professes to be so in tune with nature, I can't comprehend how finding a cockroach in the basement could call for a scream so loud.

You want to go to the grocery store? There are five bikes in the garage. It will take you ten minutes to get there.
You need new clothes? Fine. I'll drive you to the mall. But stop talking about how you are going to go through an Indie phase. I don't even know what that means.
If I stop at Starbucks will you stop talking? And while we are waiting in the drive thru can you explain to me how a java chip frappuccino fits into a raw diet?
Sigh. And if you ever ruin one of my craft projects again I will knit your face into a scarf.

The worst part is, I just spent half an hour typing this. She's not even here and all I can think about is how she makes my insides squirm.

Things like this angora rabbit help me get over bad days.
C'mon!!! Is that fooooorrrrrrrr rrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllll??????


  1. you make me chortle so whole heartedly. i don't even know what to do with the pee in my pants. ew gross.
    that wasn't a true statement.
    but really. you're a funny one.

    and i wish i knew who you were talking about.
    and is that rabbit for LEGIT?

  2. I like the bit about stopping at Starbucks to stop the talking. Oh the things you deal with. Any time you want me to hand out the black lips, let me know. love you.